The Beginning

So here is what my body looks like now and I hope to see positive results and hope to share them here as well.

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Change of Pace

Hello world!

My name is Annita Swallow, well… no not really but I didn’t feel like sharing my real name so I will just go with this for now. Besides who cares what my real name is this blog is intended for my personal entertainment and if people happen to read it I just hope they are not too bored.

So I created this blog about a year ago to post my random poetry, yet as it turned out I don’t write poetry all that much and haven’t made all that many posts. So I decided to try to use this for a different purpose because as a college student I could not avoid the freshmen 15, which quickly turned into sophomore 30, and then junior 40. Since coming to college I gained at least 40 pounds because I stopped exercising, started eating huge potions, started eating at night because of the never ending all-nighters, and spend most of my time during the day working at a desk or my bed. While I could tell that my lifestyle has become a huge problem it was really hard to get myself back on track after spending 3 years in a couch potato routine. This past spring of 2016 I met my current boyfriend who is probably the most ripped, athletic, and gorgeous man I’ve ever seen and somehow he fell in love with me even though I weigh 170 pounds, my legs and butt are covered in cellulite, and there is nothing even remotely athletic looking about me. Of course at first I didn’t think he and I would stay together for too long because I figured he would find some attractive girl and move on. But by some miracle he loves me for who I am and since he wants to be a personal trainer I asked him to help me with my weight problem. As you would imagine going from doing absolutely nothing to running  and strength training every other day is a huge change that is not easy to keep up with, so within first couple of months it was a struggle trying to fit in time for work outs. As expected I would work hard about a week or two but when school work got piled up I would drop everything and spend hours just doing homework and once again not doing any physical activities. I spent April and May with these alterations and by the end of May realized that the only thing I was able to accomplish is to keep my weight from going up. Now that it’s summer time and I only have my internship to worry about I decided to start making changes small steps at a time. For the past two months I have been tracking my steps on my phone to make sure I walk 10,000-13,000 steps a day and count my calories to make sure they I stay between 1,200-1,500 calories a day. One of my problems of gaining weight was that my physical activity level was minimal so I decided to start by adding something as simple as walking to my daily routine and while I feel great I still have not seen any results on the scale. My assumption is that my metabolic rate is extremely low because of my previous lifestyle and in order to try and boost it up I started drinking healthy homemade shakes with fruits and veggies for breakfast with caffeinated herbal tea. I keep on trying to find new ways to boost my metabolism but not all methods stick with my routine. Last week I added a new component to my lifestyle and I hope it sticks this time. I have been scheduling times during my day to go to the gym and last week I was able to do my work outs for half of the week so I hope this week I will be able to go at least 1 more day than last week. With all of this being said, the goal of this blog is to make posts about my progress in order to track what I do and if I see any results.

Cheers to Letting Go

There are days when I still think of you.

You might have hurt me,

But I’ve hurt you too.

We couldn’t save what we had,

So I hope you will find someone new.

There are days when I hate you.

I think of all the lies you told me,

I think of the girls you have held,

And I think of the night you left me.

But there are no more tears for me to shed.

There are days when I just miss you.

I remember our laughs,

I remember your mischievous smile,

I remember your embrace.

Memories is all that we have left.

When I needed strength,

You were the power that held me together.

When I needed warmth,

You were the blanket that covered me.

And when I needed love,

Your arms were there to hold me.

Therefore, today I forgive you,

And I hope one day you will forgive me too.

We both made mistakes,

But it’s all behind us now,

So cheers to letting go.

-S

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A Letter I Wrote To Myself About Getting Fat

Put On Your Happy Face

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Shall we talk about your body?

Your body, which used to be thinner. Which you took for granted, because it fitted into cheap, tight dresses. Your body, which took you up and down Brixton Hill, every day, twice a day, never unheralded by catcalls, the stream of men and their “Oh baby hey baby nice tits nice ass hey WHERE YOU GOING?”

Your body was a girl’s body, made from dancing and late nights and skipped dinners, of hopefulness and sleeplessness and sadness. It took care of itself, or rather, you didn’t care that it couldn’t. It wasn’t for you, and so you didn’t mind that you couldn’t always afford to feed and nurture it. The admiration of others was nourishment enough. You often went to bed feeling empty. You thought it was heartbreak. It was probably hunger.

Then your body became plump with love.

Late dinners and later breakfasts…

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Mind

Mind is a quiet place when you’re alone.

No one can disturb you, no one can get in.

Mind is a paradise when you’re in love.

Your heart is filled with a beautiful feeling.

Mind is a gloomy place when your heart breaks.

Tears become like sharp daggers and tear at your soul.

Mind is a hollow place when you no longer belong.

Gap of loneliness becomes your home.

Mind is never a constant place.

As long as there’s a beating heart in your chest.

-S162

Quiet baby stories

write meg!

“Are you telling me a story?” I whisper, watching Oliver’s tiny mouth open into a perfect O after he utters a string of sounds, his own little “words.”

Everyone said we would learn his language, his father and me; that, in time, we would begin to know what the whimpers and grunts and dolphin-like calls all mean. For nervous parents-to-be, this seemed impossible. “He won’t speak English,” I remember joking with Spencer. And we won’t know the Language of Oliver.

Despite assurances from seasoned parents, I pictured myself as this sleep-deprived, wild-haired monster pacing the halls with a howling infant in her arms. In these anxious daydreams, it was always dark, maybe even raining, and I was always exhausted. I imagined being frustrated, so frustrated, that I’m singing every lullaby-esque song I can think of . . . nonsense words to old tunes that rise up out of nowhere…

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Thunder

I saw a black mustang in my back yard.

He came out of the dark forest.

This mare is like no other.

He is like a mysterious fleeting memory,.

That is black as a starless night sky.

His eyes are like the light in a dark tunnel.

He is fast as a lightning.

When I ride him I feel like I can fly,

I feel free and alive.

But when the sun comes up,

He vanishes with the night.

I call him Thunder.

Because his presence is like a thunder storm

That keeps you up all night.

-SThe Night

Memories

When I was going through old boxes, in search for old memories

All of the sudden a stuffed bunny fell out.

When I picked him up I could feel chills going up my spine.

And I knew right then that I found the memory I looked for.

I close my eyes and see a happy little four-year old girl.

This girl looks up at her daddy with shiny eyes.

He presents her with a birthday present she waited for.

She takes the box and opens it with curios look on her face.

She sees a pink bunny with a beautiful pink ribbon and smiles.

At that moment she found a friend, not just a normal friend.

But a best friend and companion she will take everywhere she goes.

-S